Does being lighter make you prettier?
My good friend Amondi Gwada asked me to write about my personal experience with self esteem issues. I hope that my story will help you or someone close to you.
Remember everyone is beautiful but not everyone will see it.
...Myra
http://sitibeauty.com/myras-story/
Growing up, my mum and sister created an environment where it was OK to be who you are and because of this I never had self-esteem issues. Ignorance however is bliss! As I got older and began to interact with different people in school and other social settings I started to question how beautiful I was. I suddenly felt like I was too dark to be beautiful. There is something about growing up as a dark skinned girl that shapes the way you go through life and eventually the kind of woman you become. When you grow up watching socially constructed ideas that make people with darker skin always represent the poor, uneducated and even criminals, you start to feel embarrassed about the way you look. Just like that, colourisim became a major issue for me and I had mixed feelings for the longest time about the way I looked! If you’re lucky in those moments of doubt, you will get comments like ‘for a dark girl you are pretty’ to boost your self-esteem. This happened to me severally when I was working in Tanzania, a society where most believe that ladies are only beautiful if they are light skinned. The same belief is now shared across different African countries leading to a booming industry where skin lightening products are building some individuals while breaking many peoples self-love. My colleagues in Dar-es-salaam then branded me as Cheusi, which loosely means dark but beautiful. As a result, I found myself spending more time around people who were of the same complexion as I was, just so that I wouldn’t feel inferior or out of place. I did this subconsciously for a while until I finally began to embrace who I was and now I am in love with who that is!
I never really thought about my past with self-esteem issues until about two years ago when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Watching her grow makes me constantly think about her future. I realized then that the woman she becomes will largely depend on me and what I expose her to at an early stage. I began to ask myself whether I am ready to create the same environment for her that my family did for me. An environment where she can love who she is no matter what the world says she isn’t.
Will I be the kind of influence she needs as a young black girl considering my own experience? My husband and I have purposed to provide her with the kind of environment that makes her appreciate who she is. Even from such an early age, its possible. We try get her black dolls to play with even though its so hard to find them. We also let her have her kinky hair as is so that she can grow up knowing that kinky is beautiful. With time and as new challenges begin to present themselves, I know we will be better equipped to help her. Hopefully, our son will also be able to see this and grow up to appreciate others as they are. It all starts at home. I think that is why I was able to snap out of my misguided ideas that if I had been lighter I would have been prettier!.
I feel like everyday we battle to protect our self acceptance and self- love. Society continues to brand ‘true beauty’ according to how light skinned you are, the texture of your hair, your height or the size of your body. Getting to a place of self-love is not easy when you have so many other factors telling you that who you are is ugly. Sadly, we are the only ones who can truly change our own perceptions. Regardless of people telling you how beautiful you are, if you do not believe, it you will never see it. I love looking at myself in the mirror. Naked even! It is a much better feeling than walking around with a low self-esteem thinking about so many things about my body that I can’t change. The best way to protect yourself from all the negativity is to surround yourself with things and people who will make you feel better about you. It’s only recently that different societies all around the world have begun to embrace diversity with more and more people going ‘natural’ through festivals, media campaigns and even products that don’t champion for everyone to look fair and lovely It is unreal that we are getting to a point where we respect each others differences and actually celebrate them.
If anyone else is feeling odd about their body in one way or another, I would urge them to first get to a point of self-realization and then work towards embracing who they really are. You know, everything is beautiful but not everyone sees it. There will always be people like you who appreciate and recognize your beauty so be proud of it! You being proud of who you are, appreciating the colour of your skin or the way your body is means that you create the environment for others to love themselves too.
I never really thought about my past with self-esteem issues until about two years ago when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Watching her grow makes me constantly think about her future. I realized then that the woman she becomes will largely depend on me and what I expose her to at an early stage. I began to ask myself whether I am ready to create the same environment for her that my family did for me. An environment where she can love who she is no matter what the world says she isn’t.
Will I be the kind of influence she needs as a young black girl considering my own experience? My husband and I have purposed to provide her with the kind of environment that makes her appreciate who she is. Even from such an early age, its possible. We try get her black dolls to play with even though its so hard to find them. We also let her have her kinky hair as is so that she can grow up knowing that kinky is beautiful. With time and as new challenges begin to present themselves, I know we will be better equipped to help her. Hopefully, our son will also be able to see this and grow up to appreciate others as they are. It all starts at home. I think that is why I was able to snap out of my misguided ideas that if I had been lighter I would have been prettier!.
I feel like everyday we battle to protect our self acceptance and self- love. Society continues to brand ‘true beauty’ according to how light skinned you are, the texture of your hair, your height or the size of your body. Getting to a place of self-love is not easy when you have so many other factors telling you that who you are is ugly. Sadly, we are the only ones who can truly change our own perceptions. Regardless of people telling you how beautiful you are, if you do not believe, it you will never see it. I love looking at myself in the mirror. Naked even! It is a much better feeling than walking around with a low self-esteem thinking about so many things about my body that I can’t change. The best way to protect yourself from all the negativity is to surround yourself with things and people who will make you feel better about you. It’s only recently that different societies all around the world have begun to embrace diversity with more and more people going ‘natural’ through festivals, media campaigns and even products that don’t champion for everyone to look fair and lovely It is unreal that we are getting to a point where we respect each others differences and actually celebrate them.
If anyone else is feeling odd about their body in one way or another, I would urge them to first get to a point of self-realization and then work towards embracing who they really are. You know, everything is beautiful but not everyone sees it. There will always be people like you who appreciate and recognize your beauty so be proud of it! You being proud of who you are, appreciating the colour of your skin or the way your body is means that you create the environment for others to love themselves too.
